Twenty-fifteen has brought about so many changes in my life. Instead of cringing and fearing them, I gracefully embraced them. I told myself that these experiences will mold me into becoming a better version of myself.
I no longer want to cling to all the “could have beens”. It’s not that I’ve lost hope, because really – hope is what fuels my soul when I am at my lowest. It’s more of accepting that some things are just not meant to happen, because if God wanted those people and those things in my life, they would still be here but they’re not – I guess I have grown tired of blaming myself. Instead of sulking and clinging to them, I allowed them to slowly slip off my grasp.
I am not gonna lie though, there are times when my moods bounce from one extreme end to the other. I have dealt with a boatload of anxiety that it came to a point where I no longer had the energy to give a f*ck.
At times, I feel like I am literally devoid of any real emotion and there is an emptiness in me that cannot be filled. I am still searching for something, but I really have no idea what it is exactly that I am searching for.
Perhaps, if I (ever) see him again – I will know.
I have wandered around to see new places, and faces. But in the end, when the curtains fall, I retire to my sanctuary and crawl safely back into my cocoon, just as I always do.