Embracing Change

Twenty-fifteen has brought about so many changes in my life. Instead of cringing and fearing them, I gracefully embraced them. I told myself that these experiences will mold me into becoming a better version of myself.

I no longer want to cling to all the “could have beens”. It’s not that I’ve lost hope, because really – hope is what fuels my soul when I am at my lowest. It’s more of accepting that some things are just not meant to happen, because if God wanted those people and those things in my life, they would still be here but they’re not – I guess I have grown tired of blaming myself. Instead of sulking and clinging to them, I allowed them to slowly slip off my grasp. 

I am not gonna lie though, there are times when my moods bounce from one extreme end to the other. I have dealt with a boatload of anxiety that it came to a point where I no longer had the energy to give a f*ck.

At times, I feel like I am literally devoid of any real emotion and there is an emptiness in me that cannot be filled. I am still searching for something, but I really have no idea what it is exactly that I am searching for.

Perhaps, if I (ever) see him again – I will know.

I have wandered around to see new places, and faces. But in the end, when the curtains fall,  I retire to my sanctuary and crawl safely back into my cocoon, just as I always do.

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Of Empty Hallways & Forgotten Dreams

I searched high and low, went through every nook and cranny only to find my long lost muse lingering in the empty hallways of the place I once called home.

Finally, I am back to where I first started my journey. Who knew that walking down that corridor would feel like coming home?

Perhaps, this is where I truly belong – right here in these empty hallways, with nothing but fragments of my forgotten dreams.

(C) SGJ

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An Ode To My Muse

Waves of black smoke wallowed into the room where I dwell in solitude. I hear your voice resembling the echoes of thundering cannons fired from a distance. I lay motionless on a bed of carefully crafted thorns, my mind wandering in the dark, revisiting the rustic cottage where I kept all my memories of you. I will always run back to you for comfort, for strength, for inspiration. You will forever be my muse.

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Just Maybe

 

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She met him once somewhere but she couldn’t quite put the pieces together. Was it in the nearby coffee shop? Or the busy streets of oblivion? Or maybe she happened to have accidentally bumped into him in her dreams. All she knew was, she has seen that wickedly handsome and annoyingly arrogant face. She just couldn’t remember where. Maybe he still lingers in the dark recesses of her mind.

Maybe, just maybe.

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A Decade Of Cruel Affliction

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A decade has passed and what’s left of the wounds are scars that no laser could ever vaporize. How could I forget you when you have meticulously imprinted your identity in my heart, every single detail finished to perfection. My love, your name I do not wish to utter but somehow, it stubbornly finds a way to linger in my head. Even in my dreams, I can hear its resonating echoes. I have painstakingly endured a decade of brokenness, a decade of cruel affliction. You have ruthlessly ruptured my heart. What’s left of me are broken fragments, stitched back together.

You left me with a mark, you left me with a scar that even time itself cannot erase.

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Carpe Diem

Live-life-to-the-fullest

God created you to be happy so go out there and live your life to the fullest. Be thankful that you are still breathing, it means you’ve got another day worth spending. Remember that you only have one life to live so don’t waste it. Do what makes you happy and enjoy every moment of it.

Make the most out of your life. Give a helping hand and feel good about it. Live your life to the fullest by cultivating your talent. Share it with others and feel the satisfaction it brings. You are a unique individual who deserves every single compliment and praise. Be happy and enjoy every single second of life.

Love with all your heart. Despite the hurt, there will always be good things in the end. Trust God and believe that everything happens for a reason. Pain is there for you to be strong. It is there to nurture you and turn you into a better person. Keep in mind that pain is transitory and it can be healed. Live your life to the fullest and forget all the hurt.

Don’t let regrets and fears keep you from living your life to the fullest. Things happen because they are meant to happen. At one point, that was what you wanted so forget the regrets and move on. Throw away your fears because they won’t do you any good. They will just stop you from doing something that you want. You only have one lifetime so make the most out of it.

Offer a prayer daily. Pray for yourself and pray for others as well. Live your life to the fullest by keeping your faith in Him. Because when all else fails, you know that He will not forsake you.

Carpe Diem!

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When Friends Turn Into Foes

There’s always that one “friend” who eventually transforms into a dreaded enemy and I’m not talking about mere “frenemies” — Oh no, this one’s much worse. This one shows inexcusable behavior and ingratitude.

It all begins with some silent treatment and as time passes by, that ex friend gets colder and before you know it, your friendship is over. Poof! Every good deed you’ve ever done, every memory you had with that person all goes down the drain.

It’s sad losing a friend, it’s even worse when that friend turns into a foe. Your well-kept secrets will suddenly fly out the window. If you’re unlucky, you’ll be lashed out with harsh words and heart-breaking sentiments.

When you look back and remember the good times, you’ll wonder how it got to this, and all you can do is give out a loud sigh and accept that it’s a part of life.

Losing a friend is tragic but you have to keep in mind that sometimes it’s for the best. In the end, you won’t have any other options but to accept things as they are and just leave it that way.

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Life As I Know It

I have lived a fairly decent life, that I’m pretty sure of.

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What most people don’t know is the fact that I have struggled to get through long periods of darkness and depression. Maybe it was because of my own doing, or maybe because I have chosen the wrong path too many times. I know I have made so many wrong decisions in my life, that I won’t — nor will I ever deny.

It just suddenly dawned on me that I’m way past the goddamned quarter life crisis, and I cannot anymore use that as an excuse for my behavior. I can no longer blame quarter life for my complacency. I tell you, being complacent is not good for me. It defeats the existence of a reason and a purpose to live.

I have been through terrible stages of depression, where I couldn’t anymore see the point of living. I felt hopeless and helpless then, and I’m just really glad that I have fought so hard to make my way out of it.

At this point in my life, I could finally say that I am a survivor. I have survived sorrow, grief, depression, heartbreaks, and failures. I’m grateful for the strength God has given me in times of all those hardships. My faith has kept me alive.

I have a purpose to fulfill. I have a reason to live for. I know in my heart that in God’s time, I will be able to catch my ever-elusive dreams if I keep trying. What I need to do now is push myself to continue and never give up, because life is a gift from God, and it sure is worth living. 

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